Brother Dan
Reykjavik, Iceland: Climatologists researching the human impact on global climate have released a new report suggesting conservative satirical news outlet The Babylon Bee may be responsible for turning the tide on climate change.
According to Dr. Sigrid Erickson and her team at the University of Reykjavik’s Center for Climate Science, the Earth is showing signs of wide-spread environmental healing from the devastating effects of man-made climate change. “It’s given us a lot of hope,” says Erickson, “we in the climatology community were skeptical this kind of reversal would be possible in our lifetime. We tend to avoid descriptions like ‘miraculous’ when it comes to scientific research, but in this case it’s what we’re all feeling.”
According to the report, the evidence of climate change reversal appears to be global in scope. “It’s happening everywhere,” Erickson says of the findings, “we are seeing ocean levels recede, dry lake beds are filling again, [there has been] a complete halt in glacial ice melt with a noticeable increase in sea ice. Entire ecosystems believed to be irreversibly altered by the changes in climate are now teeming with life. It’s extraordinary.” As for atmospheric levels of CO2 and other gasses believed to be the primary drivers of climate change, “Across the board we are seeing plummeting greenhouse gas levels, with atmospheric carbon dioxide quantities returning to levels much more conducive to a stable climate. The Earth really is healing.”
When asked how the Earth could be experiencing such a dramatic climate reversal, Erickson makes clear that her team left no stone unturned. “We looked at all the evidence, examined the efforts of nations to curb their emissions, as well as the work of various organizations on the frontlines of the climate struggle. Nothing could account for the environmental recovery we were seeing. That is, until we noticed how frequently The Babylon Bee recycles their satirical content.”
The report, the result of a five-year study observing the reversal in climate trends, finds that by regularly repackaging used material, the conservative satirical news source may be single-handedly saving the planet. “There is no question in my mind that The Babylon Bee’s unwavering commitment to unoriginality has revolutionized the fight against climate change,” Erickson said. “Our findings demonstrate conclusively that each recycled joke has the carbon-offset potential of planting .02 trees. Considering the extent to which The Bee regularly recycles its own material, this has resulted in the atmospheric scrubbing equivalent of planting over 750 billion trees.” Putting this into perspective, Ericskon continues, “It’s like the Babylon Bee has planted two Amazon rainforests just by telling the same jokes over and over.”
Erickson’s team found that The Babylon Bee’s contribution to environmental restoration is not limited to recycling, however. “They should also be praised for their breakthroughs in food sustainability,” Erickson says, adding, “they only reach for the lowest hanging fruit.”
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